Granite’s Smith Pitching Well in Anticipation of Home Opener

By Mike O’Connor

 

Oldsmar, FLORIDA-  Ryan ‘Smitty’ Smith, in an extended spring workout, appears to be in very good form as the Granite head into their home opener this weekend. Smith threw a wide variety of pitches in Saturday’s workout.  A survivor of Lyme Disease, he has struggled with the affliction since being bitten by a Deer Tick ripe mad with it.

“I felt like my gravity curve was really falling… I have been able to take just enough off it to make it drop right over the plate.” When asked if his 12 to 6 curveball was just a result of extremely poor velocity, Smith just shook his head.

“Nonsense.”

Smith also maintains an arsenal of a ‘wobbler’….which he believes wobbles on the way to the plate, a ‘slow ball’, which travels almost as slow as the gravity curve, but does not fall off, and what Smith refers to as ‘normal pitch’.

When asked about a traditional fastball, Smith responded, “Yeah… I have one. That’s faster than normal pitch”.

“I keep trying to get him to throw the squakle,” said teammate Mike ‘Utah’ O’Connor, referring to his imaginary slider-knuckle-curveball, “but he just shakes me off.”

The Granite, inspired by Smith’s story, have signed players with hepatitis C, herpes,  and tennis elbow. However, none of these afflictions have produced any significant results.

Asked if he was working on any other pitches, Smith replied, “my catcher only has ten fingers.”

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