Granite’s Second Clean-Up Hitter Slimming Down

Oldsmar, FLORIDA-  The New Hampshire Granite are headed into the 2011 season with a slimmer look in the number 8 slot. Michael ‘Utah’ O’Connor reported for spring training 3 ½ lbs. lighter than his whopping 245lb mark last season.

“I feel lighter, quicker… I definitely expect to see the results of my hard work pay off on the base paths” Utah reflected.

Last season Utah was 0-2 in stolen base attempts, and failed to take second base on thirteen occasions of passed balls, four of which had left the stadium completely. Utah also failed to stretch a single into a double on a ball struck over the right field fence.

“Yeah, I was in a bad spot then. I didn’t even want to attempt it. I was recovering from a left knee injury, and honestly, I felt like I was going to suffer a hemorrhage in my right lung.”

Utah credited falling asleep on the couch drunk and missing dinner several nights a week with his remarkable progress.  He also credited four visits to a local gym during the offseason.

“They have these things you stand on and walk until you sweat….but I get off before that.”

When asked to comment on Brian “Hustle” Prusack and others at the top of the line up coming into spring training a little heavier, Utah just laughed.

“Ha, fatties.”

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One thought on “

  1. Nice Utah!!! Can’t wait to see the quickness…Hopefully the other teams aren’t reading this as we don’t want them to know about our secret weapon!

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